“I love you, but I love me more.”
Didn’t you love that line from Samantha in the Sex and the City movie when she broke up with Smith?
While Carrie went back for the emotional pain of being with Mr Big, Samantha understood the value in loving yourself wildly. She was unapologetic about her decisions, opinions, and lifestyle, spoke her mind and kept her sense of humour. Plus, she was turned on, juiced up and on top of all that, an incredible friend.
Samantha Jones was a powerfully feminine woman and her own best lover.
Meanwhile, Sex & The City it ain’t over here in Perth! I’m finding my enthusiasm for online encounters to be lagging. I just don’t have the time for all that texting! Please take me to a bar and get me a drink!
But it’s got me thinking (yes I’m purposely being Carrie), lamenting the good old days is not what I’m about. And while sitting in bed on a Saturday night and watching Sex & The City is fun and all, there must be more ways that I can be my own best lover.
Are you your own best lover?
A few weeks ago I realised I could love myself more wildly, just like my clients and those who attend my workshops who feel a desire to connect to themselves on a deeper level and have more ‘self-love’. Often these women have been through a big transition, like motherhood, the death of a parent (and the unresolved issues that come with it) or the end of a long-term relationship and they know that having more self-love will mean making better choices, whether it be with diet, career or relationships.
So how can we get this mysterious self-love?
The first step is accepting that whatever situation you’re in is perfect in some way.
There’s a time to dwell and even wallow in self-pity if you must but don’t hang out there for too long. Yes it’s “not always easy to be single/a mother/parentless/without a job you love” and then it’s time to do something about it.
Because resistance to reality creates suffering.
I am not a fan of needless suffering. Are you?
Once you have felt your feelings, you can take appropriate action.
Being a powerfully feminine woman means taking full responsibility for the creation of your life, doing what you say you’ll do and this in turn builds self-love.
You will be your own best lover by showing how much you care and how committed you are to your relationship.
If you loved yourself wildly, what would you do?
How can you be your own best lover?
For me it’s always about connecting to my spirit and amping up my spiritual practice to heal the hurt and get my juice back, but there’s more…
3 Ways to Love yourself Wildly
Get Sexy in the Bedroom
Yes juicy about life means juicy in all ways aaand… make your bedroom and especially your bed a place you love to extravagantly lounge in. Our environment affects our mood and our mood affects everything – from how we relate to others to what we call into our lives.
Are you enjoying the pleasure of soft sheets caressing and cuddling your body all night long? If you don’t love your sheets, invest in ones you do. Recently I decided my winter sleepwear was too drab for a healthy and powerfully feminine goddess warrior (; So I invested in some that would keep me warm and sexy. Then I bought the most beautiful soft white douna cover. So much pleasure and happiness in the bedroom now!
Do you love your bedtime wear? How does it make you feel? How do you desire to feel? Invest in sleepwear that makes you feel that way!
Powerfully Feminine Practice : Adorn yourself and dress in a way that makes you feel wonderful – even when no one else is there and you are unconscious for most of it! Seriously, the time before and after sleep is of great importance in training the subconscious mind. How you feel about yourself is everything.
Date Yourself on the Regular
Don’t you love how when you’re travelling, especially alone, your days can turn into magical serendipitous adventures? This can be found at home too though with spontaneity and a willingness (or if you’re like me, eagerness) to talk to strangers.
On Sunday I dressed up and strutted out into the sunshine. I followed my desires and intuition as to where I went, stopping for lunch at my favourite café before visiting a couple of bookstores to browse. I loved flicking through a book called ‘How To Be Normal’ and walked away enamoured with a a second-hand book called Succulent Wild Woman and a Shakti Colouring in Book. Hindhu Goddesses, Mandalas and Sacred Geometry as well as colouring in! This made me very happy.
Our happiness brings more of the good into our life.
So when can you take your next adventure all on your own? Think you don’t have the time or the freedom? Create it! Claim it! Your life is happening right now!
Powerfully Feminine Practice : Claim your sacred time for purposeless wandering, knowing that time is something you make. Use this adventure as a way of tuning into your every desire and following your intuition. You will soon see that you are fabulous and interesting all by yourself.
Eat Slowly and Sensually
The other day there was a hot guy out the window of my favourite café. My my did that slow my eating down. That felafel roll became a full-bodied sensory experience. Even my lips got more involved!
There is an art to eating sexy. Just imagine the woman in a chocolate commercial, one square melting on your tongue before sliding down the back of your throat. Whoa. Hot. The advertisers know it. We know it. Take the time to dine with pleasure and you will always be able to eat exactly what you want.
Though of course, this is a huge area of disorder for women, using food as a drug to cope with boredom, illness, loss, grief, emptiness, loneliness and rejection. When you are able to witness your feelings though without acting upon them, you can free yourself from obsessive and unhealthy behavior. Many of my clients and workshop guests desire to do just this and we work together to remove the blocks to being healthy and leading more fulfilling joyful lives. When deep healing work is required, this can be done through private coaching.
How do you feel about slowing down and eating more sensually? Can you see it is a way to love yourself more? Try it at your next meal or snack! Does it bring up some of your “stuff”? That stuff is being brought to the light to be healed. How else can you love yourself more when it comes to food?
Powerfully Feminine Practice : Eat as the sexy sensual woman that you are, even when dining alone. By focusing on mini, achievable and pleasurable goals, you are more likely to keep your promises to yourself. When we restrict ourselves too harshly with wild declarations like “I’m never eating junk food again”, we are more than likely to rebel (if you’re like me it would be almost straightaway). After all, moving towards pain and away from pleasure goes against our instincts. Find more ways to move towards pleasure and you will not only love yourself but your whole life more.
I hope you enjoy incorporating more acts of self-love into your life. Sign up for my museletter to receive 3 more ways to be your best lover coming next week!
And if you would love to empower yourself as the creator of your life, to tune into your intuition and release the emotional blocks and unhealthy habits that are keeping you stuck and in the struggle cycle…
If you would love a safe space to disclose your deepest desires and clarity to know your next steps, accountability as you take action, to practice being unapologetically and authentically YOU while you create the LIFE & CAREER you are wildly in love with…
The new moon is the perfect time to get your life on track.
Wishing you a beautiful one!