Wow this has been an emotional and transformative couple of weeks.
My life feels like a movie.
Not a perfect snapshot like a social media post.
A movie with ups and down but where everything has significance.
Sometimes it feels amazing, sometimes anything but and other times I need to lie down and sleep to integrate it all.
It feels like everything is a sign.
It looks like this…
Go to Sowilo and do kundalini yoga. Pull an oracle card at the end and ask Paula to interpret it. She tells me something I’m not exactly sure about. There’s a shadow standing behind me and it’s my marriage. Huh? But I haven’t been thinking about that. I accept that I don’t know the answers yet.
Spend Sunday afternoon with my friends and their beautiful kids and husbands. One conversation about that time Soup from Jurassic 5 was calling my friend’s phone for me at a festival. That other time I found myself on stage with Metallica at the Big Day Out Festival. Go home and feel a gloom come over me. Feel deeper into it. Loneliness. This turns to boredom. Feel bored. No one calls me and I call no one. This is good. Realize that people (friends and relationships) and travel have filled this hole temporarily. Feel bored by everything. Everything!
Realize that most people use distraction to not feel their pain. Food. Social Media. Uppers. Getting high vibe even. Realize all I can do is feel this boredom. Lie on my bed. Take a nap. Start to feel better. Feel grounded but pretty good. Drive to the Healthy + Powerfully Feminine group program. Share. Listen. Do some really deep work. Feel amazing!
Have an awesome sleep. Wake up. Write. Meditate. Pull an oracle card. It’s this one…
Remember that conversation about the festivals from Sunday. Realize I’m good on my own!
Start to get really excited about summer.
Ask people at lunch if they have memories surfacing all the time like I do – of the trip to the south of France in 2013, of my favourite places in Lucerne… Someone asks if I can trace the thought that started me thinking about it but I say I’m not thinking about it. These memories are more like dislodged pieces of my subconscious floating to the surface. I don’t give them attention. I carry on.
After work I go for my massage and let whatever comes into my mind come up. Remember how this used to annoy me and ruin my massage but now I see it as my body releasing what has been stored and held onto. Later that night I do Tigress Yoga. During the relaxation at the end the image of a house I used to pass in Lucerne on my walk up to the Music University comes into my mind. It is evening and the light is on. The path is quiet and there are pine trees. I can see into a warmly lit study.
Finally I have let myself look.
And then it comes. The tears. I allow myself to feel it.
The pain of what I have given up.
Although I am and was sure of my decision finally, there was always a cost.
I’ve been distracting myself.
It was not time to feel it.
I couldn’t have.
But now I do.
And it’s ok.
At the end of class I pull an oracle card. Heart Fire. I go to leave and my teacher gives me the prettiest sweetest flowers and a hug. Perhaps someone gave them to her. I carry them home with me.
The next day I feel like I have been steamrolled.
I realize I haven’t been on social media all of yesterday. It feels good. Wonder if I’m being a bad business owner for not being consistent. Can’t imagine what I’d post. Continue the detox.
I meet up with a male friend and we speak of anxiety.
Then I meet up with a new friend and we plan a workshop together. We write down some ideas and talk about our lives. One of her specialties is in working with people with anxiety. Two weeks ago I met a man in my favourite cafe and we spoke about his journey with anxiety. He was one of many who have asked me why I don’t work with men.
An idea emerges. I am excited about doing a workshop that includes men. I message her this morning. Then I go to my favourite cafe and meet a man who was one of the first here to ask me about workshops for men (sign!). I tell him about my plans and ask for his feedback.
At the Healthy + Powerfully Feminine course we work on abundance this week. I wake up and pull this card…
I feel full of ideas. They are leaking out of my ears. My pep has returned.
There’s something else I’m feeling inspired to do a workshop on too. I sit down at the cafe and next to me is a yoga teacher I’ve spoken to before when I was holding my workshops. She asks me what I’ve got planned and I tell her about the workshop (sign!). She’s excited and wants to come.
I eat cake and am gifted a chai latte (sign!). I feel abundantly taken care of.
I go home, massage the headache from my body, force myself to sleep, wake up, eat salad, come to my desk and finally I am able to write this post.
Themes of this movie? How to star in your own film full of synchronicity, guidance and flow?
- Allow the Answers to Emerge.
It’s ok to not know. You don’t need the climax to come at the beginning! Allow the suspence to build. Get comfortable in the not knowing. Ask questions though. Put it out there in your prayers and in your journal. And when you talk to others allow yourself the time to let it wash over you and sink in.
2. See the Signs + Remember your Co-stars
Use oracle cards or tarot. Find out the meaning behind number sequences you keep seeing. Get out there and be amongst the people. Have fun! Connect. Laugh. Cry. People are amazing! And they carry messages for you (as you do for them). See the signs.
3. Feel your Feelings
Doesn’t sound sexy, I know. But to be the powerful star of your life you’ve got to be able to go there. Feel your feelings without attaching to the story about it. This week I felt a full spectrum of emotions from joy to gratitude to passion to head is spinning off excitement to grounded to loneliness to extreme boredom to spaciness to hope. I am grateful for it all.
4. Be in your Body
Drop your focus to your womb space and your heart and breathe from there. This has been a powerful life-changing practice for me and is something I teach in the Healthy + Powerfully Feminine program and the upcoming workshop. There is so much wisdom in our bodies and connecting to these places of our feminine power means we can be more intuitive and also magnetic – drawing the people and experiences to us that we require. If you would like to know more about this click here.
5. I’d like to thank…
Don’t forget the people who helped you along the way. Recently I felt called to start a practice of extending my gratitude practice to the people in my life. I send out texts and messages expressing my love and gratitude daily now and yes, it feels like I’m accepting an Academy Award sometimes, but wow it feels good to acknowledge the generous souls that grace my life.
Sending so much love,
Are you ready for a change?
Would you love to feel your loving grounded feminine energy?
Do you desire to do life differently?
The coaching relationship is such a beautiful way to receive and to work on yourself and consciously create your authentic life.