Hi my love,
The break has been wonderful. Thank you for your understanding. And of course…
Happy Valentine’s Day! Hope you enjoyed your Xmas and are feeling the new energy of 2017. I felt to come back with a Valentine’s Day message for you because LOVE.
But sometimes (usually) (always) the most loving thing we can do for ourselves is know when it’s time to rest.
So rather than finish this museletter yesterday, I did things, like going to work, napping, having coffee with my sister-in-law at her place and talking to a good friend for an hour on the phone (it was her birthday but it reminded me to do that more often).
For Valentine’s Day I’d planned to take myself to see a French film at the outdoor cinema, but in the end just wanted to rest.
I’ve spent this year still working on simplifying life, time and financial management, sorting out priorities and where I consciously choose to spend energy so that I can fit in everything I want and need to do.
It’s a process.
This year my mantra is Be here now.
This reminds me to enjoy life in the present moment. To be in the present moment. And to come inwards.
It’s a reminder to come back to myself.
When I’ve been too ‘out there’ and ‘on there’.
Just be here now, Mireille.
It feels so real.
For Valentine’s Day I wanted to share with you one of my favourite memes about love.
While this does represent my relationship goals (the simplicity, presence, appreciation, acceptance and connection expressed in this phrase), it is also perfectly apt for my current relationship with myself.
Paradise is this morning in bed with myself having coffee.
And that, is freedom.
Paradise is this happiness with the present moment, this simple pleasure.
And ‘her’ is also the journal.
This morning in bed with her having coffee.
Writing is my first and enduring LOVE.
I came to her when I couldn’t express my feelings, when I didn’t know how I felt.
Then I’d write, in private.
Later in public. Words were a way to connect. Language brought us together.
Through writing I was able to be my authentic self.
I was able to speak.
But I still go to sleep with the journal by my side and wake up to her in the morning. She is the way I connect.
To you. To myself.
This afternoon I’ll be having a full body scan – bones, pelvis, liver, lungs – and I’ve planned a date at the hospital cafe beforehand with my journal.
I’m really really looking forward to that.
Time and space.
The last time I had this scan was on the last day at the hospital – 61/2 months ago – the hardest day of my life – when I was mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted – and had to do this scan in order to go home.
It felt like I was on a boat at sea with a screen inches from my face, moving, closer and further, closer and further, and me about to vomit. But I couldn’t, because then we’d have to start again and I wanted to go home. So I had to use every method I knew to control my mind… and then some. For the whole 45 minutes.
And still after being wheeled to the room again and my parents weren’t there and the nurse had told me my parents were really worried and I was on that moving boat. For hours, it felt, before they returned and were safe. I worried that something would happen to them in their sleep. Or that they’d have an accident coming back.
Using every mental technique and power to halt the spiral into anxiety, when body and mind were weak with hunger and fatigued from the medication, the operation and all the news of the week.
And after they were back and safe and Vanessa sat on my bed and said “If anything ever happened to you, I would never recover” and I knew. I knew my place in this web of life. I knew I was very much wanted and needed. This is what I knew.
Nothing could happen to me. I had to be here. Now.
There is so much beauty, even on the darkest days.
When the 27 staples had been taken out of my head (with Vanessa still sitting there in front of me on the bed), and all the flowers and cards had been packed onto a trolley, I waited with mum in the foyer while dad brought the car around, feeling like the bionic woman, lucky, strong and utterly exhausted, with a mind not quite mine, to begin life again outside.
X X X
There is a book waiting to come out and it’s time to open my legs and push. I am pregnant with words and stories. I don’t know how it will look. The father is Life. Conceived in experience. Given life through dedication and consistency. Passion, the midwife. Christened into creativity. Raised in love.
To your joy and mine.
p.s. Please tell me in the comments below how you’ve been and what and who you LOVE.
I’ve simplified and updated my coaching offer and page. If you need me, I’m here. You can also still receive the guides on being Queen of your Love Life here and Loving your Body Beautiful here. To your happiness sweet soul.
Mireille Parker is a coach and speaker for those who who would love to feel their peace and power in body, mind and spirit.
Her journey began at the age of 24 with a break up when she began learning to use the power of my mind to not only quieten the constant chatter and commentary but also to create a fulfilling life, with beauty, creativity, spiritual connection, logic and guidance from within. You can read more of her story here.The coaching relationship is such a beautiful way to create healing and transformation at a practical and very deep level. Peruse her offerings here.