It’s really good to just be here by myself.
Remember that.
When someone enters the field, it takes me slightly off centre.
Like, I don’t care and then suddenly I do.
I wonder.
When really I desire Divine Alignment, the flow of creativity, my art.
There are many things I don’t know.
Will the plumber and electrician come this week?
How much longer will I be without kitchen?
Will B do a good job?
Will I receive the results in the mail tomorrow?
Will we really meet?
A little piece of my brain is situated there.
While the greater portion is enjoying the poetry of spaghetti and red wine on a Monday night.
The lamplight is perfect.
Across the terracotta driveway a visitor is visiting, the security door clicking.
And me, I just want to be here, be really here.
If he wants to know me before he meets me, so be it.
And yet, this is only a story in my head.
What I really desire is for the tension of proofreading to be off.
Accept or reject?
That is the question.
It was fun to read Harper’s Bazar about Michelle Lamy.
I’d like to feel free and sometimes I do.
I need to be alone and quiet for the words to flow.
It’s amazing that there is a whole team doing what I did alone for Wonderlust.
The tension in my stomach has transcended.
Here I am.
Here.
~~~
This is from my journal. After talking to my friend about how people these days are always saying “my anxiety”, I felt to process my own feelings of tension to return to alignment.
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Lots of love,
Mireille xx
