It feels scary to write this. My best relationship advice? Ego says, “You’re no expert!” No. But I am a keen student. The truth is that I’ve spent the last five years learning about and observing dating and relationships. So I am offering you some of what I’ve learnt today.
1. Go to sleep angry. The experts may disagree but for me this works. In law of attraction terms, we receive thoughts according to our vibrational reality. So when we are tired we have lower quality thoughts. Plus, when we hold a thought for 17 seconds, it gains momentum, and attracts thoughts of the same frequency. That’s why transformation gurus like Tony Robbins swear as a pattern interrupt. We’d only have to focus on something else for 17 seconds, like our lovely comforting pillow, to create that for ourselves. In the morning, we wake with new perceptions and fresh thoughts.
2. Feel your feelings and express them. Realise that the other person is most likely doing their best too. Don’t assume they have bad intentions. Communication is key. For a guy, they talk best while doing other things, like having a beer or playing golf. People are also more open to suggestions when you see the good in them also. Start with something like “This isn’t your fault. It’s just that I noticed..” or “I really appreciate how you.. and also it would be great if we could..” Saying we makes it less blameful. These are techniques of a master negotiator. I know. I’m not perfect at it either. But still.
3. Communicate your desires and needs. Otherwise we become resentful and then that seeps out or explodes at inappropriate times. The subconscious mind is seeking an outlet for these suppressed emotions. But then we hate ourselves and wonder why we are so angry. Learning to communicate my emotions and what I want has been such a game changer for me. It’s made me a much happier person and way better to be around. That’s why I created the Empower guide to help.
4. Learn how your partner experiences love and give it. Your man may protest, but if you don’t know what his love language is, you can take this test to find out. Learn what yours is too or, even better, get him to ask you. Yes he may hate it but tough. This is important to you. Express it. My love language is words of affirmation. If he forgets? You can remind him. Not all the time, just occasionally. And yes you can teach an old dog new tricks.
5. See the positive. I don’t mean blindly see the positive as I used to do. That might mean you make yourself susceptible to narcissists and players. But if you are in a happy and/or committed relationship, by making lists of their positive aspects, you begin to see it more. You could even list out their pros and cons and you’ll probably find that the pros is much longer than the cons.
There you go my dear, as I said, I’m not a qualified expert but these are five tips that have helped me. Relationships are such a key area that can lift us up or bring us down like little else. And the crazy thing is, we don’t usually learn how to be good at it. But we can. Learning to manifest too has been so helpful in creating a constructive relationship and in becoming the person able to receive it.
With so much love,
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