‘What we resist persists.’
Once upon a time I had a video on YouTube called The Art of Getting Over An Ex and then I went and accidentally deleted all my videos on the path to here, but a month back I saw a story on the news about an ex murdering his ex’s new boyfriend and it makes me so sad to hear this. Getting over an ex is how I began my personal development journey and learned how to train my mind so it didn’t drive me mental. That’s why I put out Master Your Mind : Create Peace Within so quickly.
We are magical.
But How To Get Over An Ex?
1. Allow time and space to feel.
Apparently it takes half the time of your relationship to get over someone. I’ve had shorter ones that took longer and also those that really took no time at all. But when you ignore it, if it affected you, it will still be there waiting for you and come out the moment you are still.
When I first moved back to Australia, I tried to just get on with my life. I was so busy I barely had time to think about it. Didn’t want to. But it was there under the surface. Then I got into other relationships and had to get over those also. Finally Life forced me to feel the damn thing. If you want my process for feeling and releasing feelings get it here.
2. Focus on the negatives.
I don’t think I’ve ever done this but there’s so much value in the pros and cons list. Once you see it there, you can decide which is better and move on. I know this sounds so logical and feelings aren’t like that but our feelings can be caused by thoughts and we do have ways to change them or just allow them without reacting.
Focusing on the negatives of a person or situation is a way to create new neural programming. Right now your mind might keep bringing up the positives because the ego’s job is to keep us safe and “better the devil you know” as it goes. Each time you think of that person positively, you have to replace the thought with a negative. It doesn’t mean the person is bad, it’s just a way to stop your mind from tormenting you. Train that beast.
3. Remove the apps.
If the problem is obsessing over the person online, give yourself a no checking 30-day challenge and mark it off on your calendar. This weakens the neural programming and dopamine hit you’re getting clicking on that person’s page. That will only continue the attachment. It doesn’t have to be forever. You can also have a friendship in the future but if you’re creeping round the internet and causing yourself pain, stop it.
4. Realise what you’re resisting.
What we resist, persists. Ask yourself, preferably write it down, “What am I resting here?” Once when I was struggling to get over a person, I asked myself this question and had the epiphany that I was resisting that this person did love me anymore. That he didn’t find me attractive. That he was more interested in other people. What freedom. Like the negatives, you could write a list of what’s perfect about your current situation and accept it.
5. Be present.
There is a space between the action (or thought) and the reaction, and if we sit in it, it grows. Meditation is so helpful in learning how to do this or , as I wrote last time in how to turn fear to faith, imagine a bulldozer pushing the thought out of your head.
Of course feel your feelings and release them, but don’t get tangled up in repetitive thinking. Sometimes my mind likes to bring up the past and I just get curious about it. What’s Psyche wanting to show me? Is there something I still need to deal with or is it just fun? Just boredom?
6. Go outside.
Or dance or clean a cupboard. There’s a time and place for distraction. Going outside reminds us what a wonderful world we live in and it shifts our vibe (like the dancing or cupboard cleaning) so we actually do receive different thoughts.
7. Create your magical future.
Focus on your goals and dreams and work on creating those. Every ending is a new beginning yo. Write as if you’re three months in the future about all that you have done and received during this time. There’s a whole world of development at our fingertips. Remind yourself of the powerhouse that you are (You the Queen) (or King). Decide who you want to be from now on and be it.
I hope you enjoyed this and I hope it helps. It’s been awhile!
And if you’d like to join the 30-day Master Your Mind Challenge, there’s still time. We only started yesterday.
1.Get the Master Your Mind : Create Peace Within book.
Just 20 minutes a day. It’s a book for busy people!
2.Follow my MasterYourMindBook on Instagram.
p.s. Join here to stay tuned for Thursday when I’ll be posting How To Have Courage! And do like and share this post please. I hope to live in a world where exes can sleep soundly.
The witty and intelligent novel about a travel agent from Perth, Australia, who goes to Lucerne, Switzerland, seeking a deeper experience of life and finds love in a most unusual place. Set in 2007, Wonderlust is a journey of food, sex, body obsession, refugees, writing and reality TV. It’s the really interesting conversation you wish you were having!