Thursday 26th November 2015
Beautiful day. Brown moth. Felt flattened into my bed when I awoke. You must have meant something to him or he would have called by now. Like Phillipe, he knows you want a response + so he won’t give it. He doesn’t want your help at all. And me?
What if I just didn’t care? What if it didn’t matter? What if I enjoyed my aloneness? What if I didn’t do anything to pursue anyone? What if I didn’t plan to call to tell about the aloe vera? Or ask about mushrooms? Or need sales training. Or want to be best friends. What if I didn’t care anymore? I already feel like I don’t care. What if you did everything alone now always?
Yes Paula said about the loneliness rune – even amongst my networks + friends you feel you don’t belong. Sophisticated. A more sophisticated life awaits yes. That’s what I desire. England + the canals of France. Build your business to that level + go, she says. Yes I desire to be living in the south of France. Paula says reading my cards is like reading hers. I have decided to build my own fortune. I am not looking to a man to provide that.
My book will be successful. It may be a slow burner. But get it out cos it will date. It’s like I spent so long doing it that I was sick of it by the end. My creativity kept showing up. Needs to be expressed. Oh so very creative. I feel I have so many choices + right now I need to choose one + focus on it. But ultimately I don’t have to choose. I can do it all. I’m very strong. I’m very capable + think I can handle anything. But my feminine Queen of Cups – I swing between.
She asked if my dad was a strong presence in my life + I said a quiet presence. But yes my masculine energy is attuned to my dad’s energy. When I was young I didn’t see how he loved + cared in his own way. Only when I got that did he change.
- King of Wands : the masculine strength I’ve been looking for is something inside me.
I go walking to the sea full of wind and I do exactly what I feel. Following feelings. I think of ice-cream but don’t eat it. I ask the lady in the lane if this is aloe vera. It’s another vera, she says. On the way back I stop to receive a bowl of succulents in a garden & boom. There’s the aloe vera. My life is magical.
Thinking back to my time with Phillipe. Many moments alone were blissful. Walking away. Quietly to work in the early morning North Perth streets. Finding art & eating dim sum & drinking butter coffee in Perth. Sleeping on the couches with the rustling leaves on Sunday afternoon. Writing about wanting to be smashed together like avocado. Valentine’s day at Solomon’s. There’s nothing in my phone for me. What freedom.
Now I will walk + walk all over Perth. I will become my own best friend + confidante. I will fill pages. I will journey. Spiritual transformation. This deep transformation happening under the surface (Sowillo) while I seem to be in this holding pattern. There’s a big unexpected change coming and I should take any opportunity. Don’t hesitate.
- Spiritual awareness. I can be alone. I don’t have to “feel good”. Overseas I feel better. I feel more beautiful. More creative.
I feel really intuitive. The walk. Stopping to ask about aloe vera. Looking for it. Coming back + stopping to admire + absorb the beauty of those succulents. Just next to it. The aloe vera. “It’s another vera”. I have this day to work + work well.
Last night I came back tired from my walk. Really depleted. Being with the other women though, being the bigger container. Amora said her counsellor suggested she take lovers + she said to us, “It’d be great from my side because I’m loving + compassionate but guys are just dickheads to sleep with when they’re not in love.” So so true. We laughed a lot last night.
I’m grateful I could provide a sensory experience. The Brown Moth. The signs. Finding my whisper essential oil. Today I’m going to work efficiently + with focus. I’m going to walk + take plenty of breaks. Walk + be quiet. Be creative. Write your Museletter. Devashi Shakti. Giving out our energy every time we reach outwards (e.g. screen). The women on my course are learning to feel emotions. When you can feel, you no longer have to eat them.
This is part of my upcoming memoir. Subscribe to receive news of when it’s coming out and receive EMPOWER when you do.
I love you,
ps. More of my writing is @mireilleparker_xx on Insta. Thank youu.