Self-love is something I haven’t thought about for a very long time. But now and then I catch snippets of other teachers talking about it and I think “Yes”.
Yesterday I sent an email to my dear Museletter readers about my Living Deeply Stories podcast and was asked to share more on this topic. I have expressed before too that, in order to be good at manifesting, you have to give no fucks about what others think of your dreams and desires.
This is a journey, though, and one I have been on for twenty years at least.
When you read Love Queen : The Making of a Master (out December 10th) you will have more of an insight into what influenced me in my becoming. Because yes, it is not always easy to go against the grain.
Let me see if I can piece together a few steps and beliefs that helped my progress in loving myself and allowing myself to do what I desire.
The best book I have read on relationships is Love, Freedom and Aloneness by Osho. He says that “self-love is the absence of self”. This I experienced when I was 24 and went through the break-up that led to my spiritual awakening. My mind was going round and round and, as I’ve shared before, I just wanted it to shut the fuck up. Peace! I just wanted peace.
Yes I learned about manifesting following this but, on that trip to India, I also learned to meditate.
I practised it for several months and then on and off over the years till 2016 when I started doing it for at least half an hour a day. That adds up.
The other thing is about the Inner Critic. I talk about this in my Magnetise guide. The amygdala is triggered when we do something new because its job is to protect us. Those feelings cause the receptivity of thoughts that are more negative.
Therefore, the more we do an activity, the quieter our inner critic gets.
Recently I started listening to Simone Seol’s podcast on Joyful Marketing. In one episode she was talking about the power thoughts that got her to building a multi-million dollar coaching business. Because she is often asked about it. What she said was that the thoughts were like “I’m not going to die if I do this” and “I’m willing to do this even though it feels bad” and “Even if I don’t meet my goal, I’m still going to have my own back.”
She says to pick thoughts that build resilience rather than take the emotion away.
Isn’t that brilliant?
Like, if we are trying to repeat affirmations like “I am successful” even though we’re scared as shit, that’s taking the emotion away.
See, just like I’ve been saying for quite some time about having to actually feel the emotions. How to do that? I share it in Empower!
If we don’t feel the emotions, they are still there and that inner critic will get louder.
How do we build self-love? By taking action towards what we desire? Then we naturally have respect for ourselves. We gain confidence. It’s not about epsom salt baths and rose petals!
Although, in order to play big, we also do need a consistent self-care routine.
The journey to allowing myself to do what I want has been a process. There are people I look up to and have learned from. I recommend Gina DeVee’s book, The Audacity To Be Queen. She was my coaching academy teacher and I learned so much from her and from the group about giving yourself permission to “want what you want, without making it wrong”, in Gina’s words.
With so much love,