Friend, what if not knowing is the way to where you are going?
If 2020 taught us anything, it is that Life is unpredictable and, for all our plans and organising, we really don’t know what’s round the corner. Cancer has taught me this too. There have been times, these past seven years, when I really thought I knew what I was doing, like with the NORI protocol and the other books I read that seemed to hold the answers. Then I realised that I know nothing.
I have come to this conclusion a few times. First, it was when I thought I was healthy and then found out I had a 6cm metastatic breast cancer tumour in my brain sac. Then I tried to carry on as usual, then Life showed me who’s boss again, when I accidentally deleted all my YouTube videos one fateful Saturday. Then I really gave up and, slowly, Life started flowing again. Carefully, I went, taking baby steps not grand gestures.
Since then, there have been times when I tried too hard again and Life had to slap me back down. In 2020, so much stuff kept happening, that I truly did give up. I seriously had no idea how to proceed. So I just meditated a lot daily, like for two hours. At first I tried the Dr Joe Dispenza method, but that was also trying too hard. How did I know? It had no effect. Then I just started to meditate by focusing on my body again, just gently. And letting Life lead. Things got better.
And they have been ever since. I think! No not I think, I feel. Thinking is the problem. Because we think we know, but we don’t. So I’m just seeing what happens. What happened when I let go and started saying “I have no clue what’s best for me”? People showed up, experts, appointments were made. I didn’t have to do so much. Kyle Cease talks about this, Can you sit in the space of “I don’t know and it’s ok”? So that’s where I’m at.
How about you?
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Lots of love,
p.s. You can find me on Instagram here or for my art, Locomotive Creations, here.