At The Window

     “Writing your story again?!” The Chinese lady boss exclaimed as she wiped the table around me at my spot by the window.

      “No, no. This is just my journal.”

But I suppose my story doesn’t end, so yes I am.

Twenty minutes ago I had decided that I would not write any more of this month-long blogging commitment.

I felt absolutely no desire to write anything.

But then that conversation happened and it felt fun and I felt like writing it.

This is what I wrote in my journal :

Ok yes I really have nothing else to say for now so I’ll just take a break. It’s not something I feel like doing. Blogging. Should I continue this month of blogging Spleen? Perhaps. No. I’m tired & just want to work on my book. Perhaps this month was for this reason only.

To make me stop.

I guess if you can’t be bothered, why bother?

If you’re never going to blog 5x/week, why does it matter if you see if blogging 5x/week improves the Google algorithm?

What I’ve discovered in these two weeks is that I don’t want to 1)be  a manifesting teacher 2)be  a full-time blogger or 3) write on relationships.

Your true vocation is in creative writing.

It’s the thing I can do 5x/week with no problem.

And more than creative writing, narrative non-fiction (memoir) in book form.

But sometimes it’s nice to put something out there, except it doesn’t have to be consistently. Yay.

I just want to be here staring at the dancing trees.

The man who came to talk to me to ask about my books I was rude to, short with, cos fuck I said hi when I entered and order my almond milk cappuccino & then didn’t go to speak to him but parked myself in the corner to write.

If you can’t pick up social cues, that’s not my problem.

He came & tapped me on the shoulder to ask if my book had been published.

I kept my body turned & could barely open my mouth due to the cold sore in the left corner.

I made it into 3 books & no, not yet published, I said.

This is the thing, I must’ve talked to him once in social phase but now it’s moon phase & I’m not feeling well anyway.

The left gland is swollen as well.

I’ll go home for lemon & honey and rest.

Away from the prying eyes & questions of the people who know me here.

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