When I first started reading blogs some years ago, I was fascinated by two in particular. One was written by a 20-something, recovered from an eating disorder and posting DAILY ; recipes she created, her fitness routine, weekly reads (a regular feature about posts she’s read on the rest of the world wide web), five things she loved every Friday, what she wore that week and much more. She managed to do this while working as a health coach and having a full-time job as an accountant (as I recall). The blog was called ‘Fitting it all in’.
The other was also by a 20-something who’d recovered from serious illness and posted, also DAILY ; even more recipes she created, what she was eating, Friday confessions, what she was loving yada yada yada. She too had a full-time job and did things like get up at 4am to exercise. Whoa!
I had been fascinated by women like this since I first started reading women’s magazines.
Perfection seems to be so compelling.
But they were not me and I was not them.
Sometimes I would try to be like them though, making up rules and new resolutions to be better, faster, thinner and more disciplined.
But nothing stuck.
Rules were broken.
Resolutions dissolved before the day was out.
And my inner bad girl didn’t like it anyway.
But I’d feel the inadequacy and even guilt, shame and set new resolutions to deprive myself further and the whole cycle would start again.
Can you relate?
I’ve been thinking about this because my clients too have this inner rebel that won’t conform to the rules and regulations placed upon her.
She doesn’t want to be perfect.
She wants to protect your freedom.
And she wants you to create your life according to your own principles.
You don’t need to be able to set SMART goals. You don’t even need to push yourself too hard. There’s still a way you can not merely exist, but evolve and create your life so that you are doing what you love and being that healthy and powerfully feminine woman you know you really are.
You will make progress without having to be perfect if you work with your inner rebel and not against her.
What is a rebel really?
According to the urban dictionary,
A rebel is a person who does not conform to what others prefer.
Like your mother.
Or your doctor.
Or the rest of your clan.
(if you feel their advice is not right for you)
A rebel is someone who listens to what she truly feels is right and follows this inner knowing, making decisions in alignment with what she feels is true.
It takes self-confidence and self-belief to be a rebel.
One of my favourite rebels is Danielle La Porte, best-selling self-help author and truth-teller, who ditched soulless goals for ‘core desired feelings’ and her system of working with okay, goals, by beginning with what feelings you desire to experience. She writes,
Intentions & goals are tools for liberation. But when we use goal-chasing like a hammer, it can beat up on our self-esteem, relationships, and creativity.
I want to feel good more than I want to check accomplishments off my list.
I want to feel good more than I want to please other people.
I want to feel good more than I need to look good.
And I loved finding this…
My New Year’s resolution last year was to be bad. Smoke. Drink. Eat more meat… rare.
I was tired of being my version of good.
How can you not love her with a passion?
What inspires me is that she has created such success while being creative and totally herself. And not setting SMART goals.
The lesson from Danielle?
Part of being a rebel is about being unapologetic about who you are and the choices you make.
Another of my favourite rebels is Dita Von Teese, the burlesque dancer who brought this art form to the people, who dresses like a 1940s movie star and geez even dated Marilyn Manson for 6 years and married him! If that’s not a rebel…
Both of these women have had amazing success carving their own paths and making their own rules.
So how about the rebel in you?
How can you do the same and work with your lady rebel?
1. Make teeny tiny goals
Often we can get caught up in our huge desires that we become immobilized. It feels too big to be real.
For example, imagine you had $20, 000 to pay off a credit card. It feels like you’ll never do it. You start fantasising about inheriting some money and buy lottery tickets rather than actually doing anything.
Imagine you goal was to pay off $1000 instead. Feels more manageable, doesn’t it? And once you got there, you kept going. Before too long, the debt has been cleared.
So set mini achievable goals on a daily and weekly basis. Like, you want to write a book? Start with one hour at a time. Then write for another hour tomorrow.
You want to get fit and healthy? Why not set a goal like to eat 7 different vegetables a day or to get to the pool three times a week? The goal is simply to get there. Whatever happens from then on is bound to be good.
2. Make feeling good your goal
Whatever you do, find a way to enjoy it.
This advice applies to everything from paying bills to exercising to eating healthily to running your house to getting your work done. How can you make it more fun, more beautiful or more of an experience?
When you feel good, your inner rebel relaxes because she doesn’t have to defend against deprivation. Meanwhile, you can be making progress and not hating your life.
I’ve created a guide of 22 practices for getting more enjoyment out of your work day and you can access it by clicking here.
Why do I care so much about feeling good?
Because when we feel good, your sparkly vibrant energy draws others to you, you get more opportunities coming your way, people notice and think of you, your mind is open to possibilities and the money shows up to support you. Manifesting your desires becomes easier because you are attracting as well as creating.
Mixing Business with Pleasure : 22 practices for getting more enjoyment out of your work day : DOWNLOAD IT, YES PLEASE!
3. Rather than ‘discipline’ aim to maximize pleasure
You might have been silly like me and thought that if only you had more ‘discipline’ you’d be able to stick to your diet or your exercise plan, study harder, do your work, achieve everything on your to-do list and be an amazing success. But what is this thing called discipline anyway? Is it just something you have or you don’t?
Some years ago I heard about this Delayed Gratification experiment. Kids were given a lolly and told that if they could save it until the researcher came back, they’d be given a second one. What they found years later was that those who were able to wait for the second lolly and delay gratification, tended to do better in life.
Think of this experiment every time you have to get something done. Focus on how you’ll feel afterwards, rather than your immediate desire to stay sitting on the couch or plucking your eye-brows at the mirror.
Like, wow! The whole world is going to take on more meaning and I’ll have the freedom to enjoy my day times ten!
As well as this, have you ever noticed how much better something tastes when you’re really hungry for it? When you don’t have it every day? When it’s special? The only point in withholding one pleasure is to enjoy it more intensely at a later point. The focus then is off discipline and once again on maximising pleasure.
This is just one of the many lessons I learned from the French. Read The Art of Being a French Woman here.
Plus even more exciting… I’m teaching Eating for Pleasure and Loving your Body Healthy at a workshops in December. Click here to find out more and join us.
You will learn + practice how to…
know what you are hungry for + how to provide it
give up guilt + self criticism
work with your inner rebel and eat for pleasure
So you can cultivate a loving relationship with your body,
become more in tune and intuitive
and GLOW from within!
To register please sign up and pay here :
Enjoy the freedom of following your heart. Embrace your uniqueness. Worship the wild woman in you.
With so much love,
Congratulations on your wonderful blog, beautifully written
Remember me, Jo from PICE. Having a few girls over on April 19th for a bring and swap lunch, would love to see you and catch up.